Paying Dues

K Hanna Korossy

Written: 1995

Above & Beyond (1996)

     “Dear God...  Is that what you’re s’posed to say?  Been a long time since my Aunt Rosie took me to the Synagogue.  Anyway, so... I feel kinda funny, just talkin’ to you like this, but Hutch, my partner - well, you know that.  But Hutch said that anybody could talk to you anytime and say anything.  ‘Cause I don’t know any real prayers except Kaddish, and I don’t wanna do that one anytime soon. 

     “But like I was sayin’, Hutch says anybody can talk to you, and I figured that since I was always askin’ You for somethin’, maybe I oughta thank You, too.  You know, I never used to think much about there bein’ a God, even in the Synagogue - I didn’t get those Hebrew prayers at all.  I guess I only started thinkin’ about it when I became a cop.  I had always wanted to be a cop, ‘cause I knew things weren’t the way they should be and I wanted to change them, to help people.  ‘Cept that wasn’t always so easy.  After a while, ya’ kinda wonder if anyone’s in charge up there to let things get so bad down here, You know?  I’d already seen enough for any lifetime when I was growin’ up, with my dad and all - You know him, he’s up there with You.  I still miss him...

     “Anyway, there I was, in charge of handin’ out justice and makin’ life and death decisions, and I still didn’t know if I believed in You.  But then You sent me Hutch.  I’m still not sure how come I got so lucky; I know most people haven’t got somebody like him and I don’t know how they can stand it.  I’d never had anybody before who stuck around, You know?  Well, yeah, ‘course You know.  Maybe that’s why You sent him.

     “So, I just wanted to thank You.  I don’t tell You or him very often how much he means to me, and I guess you both know, but I wanted to say it.  He means a lot to me.  He made me believe in You because people like Hutch - friends like Hutch - don’t happen by accident. 

     “Oh, uh, I don’t mean to complain, but there is one problem with him.  Ya’ see, the idiot gets into trouble all the time.  Now, I figure You had to have somethin’ to do with givin’ me the blond blintz for a partner, ‘cause I sure didn’t deserve it, so I figure I should take care of him.  Except he’s not so easy t’take care of.  Guess it’s never easy in our line of work.  But worryin’ about Hutch is how I started talkin’ to You.  I know, I keep tellin’ You that if You keep him safe one more time for me, I’ll do better next time.  I’m sorry, I keep tryin’ but, well, like I said, my partner keeps gettin’ into trouble.  And I keep askin’ You, and You keep savin’ him for me.  After a while I knew it had to be You, ‘cause no one’s that lucky. 

     “So that’s all I wanted to say, is thank You.  I’ll still keep tryin’, but he’ll probably still keep gettin’ in trouble.  And I can handle it... just don’t break up our act, huh?  ‘Cause I’m not sure I can do a solo anymore.  That’s all I’m askin’.

     “Look, uh, I gotta go, Hutch is waitin’ for me.  Oh, and if You really were responsible for givin’ me blondie as a partner... I guess ‘thank you’ doesn’t really cover that one.  Just, please, keep him safe, and I won’t ask for anything else, okay?  I’ll talk to You later.”